football season is looming....

...and this "blog" needs a complete overhaul! Not just a shot of Botox and a new haircut, I'm talking a makeover of "The Swan" proportions. And by that I mean filled with cruelty and narcissism. Much like my soul.

I promise I will start using spellcheck. Ok, sometimes I will use spellcheck.

Some things to keep in mind:

1. Sun, Oct. 25 the Bucs will take on the Patriots in London. No, I will not be sporting my Joey Galloway jersey. I would also recommend avoiding whichever bar I am watching this game in. Trust me, you will not like the equation. Ashley + New England Fans + Bourbon + Sporting Event = Prison Time, I'm sure. Noticed I didn't say jail time.

2. Lately I have had a strong urge to photoshop pictures of Gruden and I so it looks like we are hanging out. And then I want to Blingee them.

3. Sabres are out, obv. Need I say more?

4. The Frozen Four was effin' epic this year.

5. I'm on the hunt for some Lawn Darts to add to my "Summer Shenanigans" kit. So far I have a slip-n-slide, a croquet set (for tackle croquet, of course), hot pink spray paint....


6. On a happy note, Pirates are in the race for the Calder Cup.

7. The other night some dude interrupted one of my tangents to ask if I was Jon Gruden's publicist.

8. Portland is getting a NBA D-League team. This pleases me greatly.

9. I'm getting kind of obsessed with Scott Ferrall. He calls everything! It gives me the vapors. But I can't find a Team Ferrall shirt small enough for me. Boo.

10. I hate the announcers on Versus.

11. Now that Madden has retired, the Crime Mob song "All Madden" has an entirely different meaning for me.

12. I don't know how to rotate photos.

13. I'm having a Derby Days party. You're all invited.

14. I had to remove some of the old content because I'm locked out of my Flickr Pro account. I forgot my password. Yeah, I'm that dumb. I will rework it and put it back up later.

15. The Dolphins have such a bullshit schedule this year....then again the Bucs don't really have it that great either.

16. I'm really excited to get out on the golf course. Hell, even mini-golf! I'm bout it bout it! If anyone needs a caddy, hit me up!


um, and speaking of caddies...

17. U 2008 Highlight Reel!



18. From the 7th Floor Blog, Clinton Portis was voted "Favorite Redskin" by Special Olympians

19. Also seen @ 7th Floor Blog (obviously a favorite) this amazing photo of Plaxico Burress at his court appearance. Maybe he's just stoked about the Spartan's making it to the final game?

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL, what ARE the Bucs doing!?

That's all I have to say.

Raheem the Nightmare

Honestly?

Releasing my favorite players on my birthday? Unbelievable! You CANNOT be serious! Gruden would have at least had the courtesy to wait until after my birthday week.

Warrick, Cato, Galloway, Brooks?...

Rendering my jerseys throwbacks just like that, huh?

Daddy needs a drink...

Gangsta-ass News Links

-The Bucs have signed WR Kelly Campbell and he's definitely got a little gangsta in him! He even kept it hood on the 'Fins. I'm excited to see how this works out. I'm very accepting of professional athletes and their bad behavior -- as long as it doesn't reach PacMan status. Tampa isn't exactly an ideal place to stay out of trouble, but I think the fact that 'making it rain' has become more played out than ghostriding your mom's whip in the suburbs will be working in everyone's favor. I'm cool with him being a former Viking too - I'm no stranger to the Metrodome as a former Minneapolis resident (North Russell Ave, what?).

- I lied. Ghostriding is still fresh to death, as evidenced here. As long as you smash up, you're not a herb.

- This is the best thing EVER! I think I just wasted an hour grunt-laughing like Beavis.

- Luke arrested for child support non-payment. Has he not paid enough? College football = a lot of mouths to feed. I read about it over at The 7th Floor - they accompany the story with the BEST 2 LIVE CREW pic EVER! Epic.

"Bitch, Please" moment of the day

Ruckus (see photo above) are I are currently mean muggin after reading this. I thought we were done with his veijo ass! Although, I will give Garcia this: wife game = proper.

I am, however, very excited about the rumors that we might be seeing more of Carnell 'Cadillac' Williams this year. I don't rock the 24 jersey for nothing!

It's almost everyone's favorite eternal schoolgirl's birthday (Ash Wednesday for the record). I'm dipping into my VIP only wine stash for the occasion....

I still haven't decided what I'm doing for the big day. Probably popping bottles and shenanigans. The only thing I have locked down is going to the Hockey games on Saturday and Sunday.

Retirement

It's a sad day. A full year in Maine and the Bucs plate is being forced into retirement.

Let's have a moment of silence.



You served the Range Rover faithfully all these years.

Let's Talk Feelings

Are you all feeling Jim Bates as the Bucs new defensive coordinator?

I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I have unconditional love for Monte Kiffin. I cried a little upon hearing that he was leaving. I know, I'm a sissy, but it was a hard year for Tampa Fans.

Also, for some reason I keep typing Jim Baker instead of Jim Bates. Now that would be interesting.

On the other hand, I think that Bates might be really good for using Philip Buchanon (the U) to his full potential. I also like Bates' history - especially in terms of sacking. I love a good sack.

I think this could be pretty amazing. What's your take?

Tchau Tchau!

This post is sort of a Hockey cop out....

Lucky you! You get to look at a bunch of blurry photos I took from my Blackberry from the nosebleed section of the Portland Pirates vs. the Bridgeport Sound Tigers! Normally I would subject y'all to this but I forgot my camera that weekend and I left all my memory cards with the recent/clear/sharp/exciting photos at my apartment.

However, I am going to post them since I feel, that I have thus far overburdened you with football. Also, I am fairly "new" to Hockey and really exciting about having something fun to do during this thrilling Maine winter. Sure, I was in the North right before I came to New England (Michigan and Minnesota, respectively). I was also still mourning from my Buccaneers losing to Eli "Fetal Position" Manning in the Wild Card game. That's some serious trauma for a girl to go through..


Photos back soon!! sorry


p.s. on a separate note, I am loving Lil Wayne's ESPN Blog.
Weezy is dead on! He took the words right out of my mouth with "I'd watch hockey over an awards show."

I have two confessions to make.....

Confession #1 - I am obsessed with the FOX/NFL Robot. I can be seen busting his dance moves in any venue from early Fall to Superbowl Sunday. Any venue. From the grocery line to rush hour traffic, I represent.





Confession #2 .....






I admit it....I already miss Chucky.....
See how sad? Pobrecita!



ok, and one more thing....Jeff Garcia....dale loca y abra la voca... Good Riddance Garthia!! Tchau Tchau!! This "Hulk Smaaaash" is for you!