Faking a Roughing

I love Rated Rookies

2009-08-10T16:35:00.001-04:00

rr-1
Originally uploaded by ratedrookies

Genius!

I've been at the Beach

2009-08-10T15:59:00.002-04:00

I am easily distracted, I admit it.

After Time Warner Cable called my bluff (during a heated standoff in regards to the NFL Network and why I deserve to have it for free...) I lost my wireless internet......plus it's summer and from what I hear that is a rare thing in the frozen tundra and I should milk it for all it's worth...

My days have been filled with bikinis, roadies to Montreal, free agency related freak outs, good times on the red and, of course, a good ole Tony Danza here and there..

However, the two most important sports in the world, Tackle Football and Hockey, are almost back. Which means I will once again need this blog to pour my over enthusiasm and extreme uninformed bias into.

Faking a Roughing will be taking a slightly different direction. Less of the girlie 'buy-me-stuff' schtick and more sports related content....with all the same under-dressed/over-enthusiastic Aries charm, natch.

Plus, my new Sabres jersey should make me a shoo-in to get on Sick Jersey, Bro.
Trust me, it's pretty sad.

favorites links, as of today, and as always...

Ballers with Randoms
LOL Jocks
7th Floor Blog
Maine Hockey Journal
Sabre Chaser
Rated Rookies - I'm obsessed!

Kelly Cup Goodness..

2009-05-23T14:47:00.002-04:00

Stingrays are killin' it in the ECHL! At least one of my hockey teams is NOT currently hitting the links or taking vacances to Punta Cana. Of course, it helps that they recalled one of our AHL d-men (as if we could really spare one), who then catapulted them into the race for the Kelly Cup.

Edited: I haven't been able to update lately. I assume I don't need to inform you as to who won the Kelly Cup...um, I told you so.

Can a bitch get her own show?

2009-05-19T02:20:00.002-04:00

Best News EVER....

GRUDEN IS GOING TO BE REPLACING TONY KORNHEISER AS A MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL COMMENTATOR!!!!!

Yes! We are one step closer to "Free Agent Pillow Fight Frenzy" becoming a reality! Way to go Chucky!!!

Just some nonesense

2009-05-18T12:50:00.001-04:00

All of us learn to write in the second grade. Most of us go on to greater things. - Bobby Knight

-Bobby Knight is my new life coach. I really need to get motivated...or else get hit with a chair...I suppose if Bobby isn't up for the job I can always call up the Ducks GM..

-I am still tenting my fingers and laughing evilly at the fact that Jeff Garcia is a Raider. Bah hah HAH! It's like they want to fail.

-I am getting the Tin Foil Man (as seen in the Old Port) to make me a tinfoil Heisman Trophy. Try not to be too jealous, it's not becoming.

-Drunken bar interviews with Colorado State players have occured.

-In the "Rossiters in Sports" category, I will be following Siena and Davidson NCAA Basketball next season.

-p.s. if anyone can get me a Kyle Rossiter hockey jersey..I will be forever indebted to you. I NEED one.

-I love Michael Phelps now. I could care less about swimming but I love threesomes and strippers. He needs to bring a confidentiality contract with him every time he goes out though, sort of the that Chapelle's Show sketch...

-My Bucs scare me. I can't even discuss it. It makes me reach for the Xanax.

More actual content later...once I get my wireless fixed.

Beijinhos Beijinhos Tchau Tchau!

NFL Draft take one:

2009-04-27T16:48:00.001-04:00

The Bucs pics make me slightly nervous.

More on this later.
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A story for the kids!

2009-04-24T17:03:00.000-04:00

Warning: this is completely un-sports related. Sorry..maybe I can tie in a reference in the end...

Since today was the first semi-not-freezing day of '09, the Key West girl in my celebrated by sporting white pants and getting my design work done to the sounds of Damian Marley etc..

It was an enormous mood lift and it felt so great to run around (my apartment) like the scrappy little barefoot island kid that I am at heart. Especially since hockey* was sad last night AND I found out I need to have my tonsils out...etc, etc mild peril, the usual.

Anyway..while I was alternating hoola hooping and doing actual work, I was daydreaming about how decent this summer could be...reggae Sundays on Peaks Island, getting a D-League team, boat adventures in the midcoast... Especially Reggae Sundays..which brought back a memory that I had forgot until today....

Picture it: Williamsburg, Virginia. I am about 13 years old and I have just moved to the VA to spend a few months with my mother and stepfather. They, at this point, are unaware of what an "independent" and "spirited" child I am. Heh heh.

A few days into my stay, I find out about a Ziggy Marley concert in Richmond that I absolutely MUST go to. Lawrence Taylor is from Richmond**. My folks decline, as they can't take me since they are spending that weekend golfing somewhere fancy. This doesn't really phase me, because I didn't want THEM to take me..I mean how embarrassing...I just wanted to go. So they left for the weekend, and I, in turn, decided to borrow the Benz to drive to Richmond (p.s I'm newly 13..but this isn't my first road trip...). Now at this point I must note that my intentions on these "adventures" were never mean spirited or to "rebel"...I simply knew what I wanted to do and was confident that I could accomplish it. If no one finds out..no harm, no foul...right?

So bought the tickets over the phone with my Dad's mastercard and set out in the family whip.

As I remember it, I got into Richmond, but had no idea where the venue was. I called the number from my enormous prehistoric Nokia cell phone (remember this was a long, long time ago) and called the promoter.

Problem #1: the concert was cancelled.

Problem #2: the concert was cancelled due to the tornadoes sweeping around Virginia that evening.

I was wondering why the sky went black so early...

So, I started driving back to the 'Burg, but it became evident that the weather was not going to make it easy. I ended up making it almost all the way..but to stop in the Powhattan vicinity to huddle into a hotel lobby with a bunch of strangers due to a "Twister" like scene headed right for me.

Everything ended up being fine and I only got caught because the ticket office called the house phone and left a message about the cancellation...and I didn't bother to check it (even then, I was allergic to voice mail).

Wow! That was pointless, but it illustrates the following facts:
a). I have been carrying the burden of being awesome for many years.
b). You should probably check the weather before you set out on any underage adventure.
And c). At ONE time in my life I could read a map.

*by that I mean AHL hockey...besides that, chyeah Ducks! P.s that's sports reference #1..

**sports reference #2, in case you weren't keeping track.
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Sunday News Ruckus

2009-04-19T08:38:00.012-04:00

1. Michigan State tailback Glenn Winston is facing six months in jail as the result of an off-campus fight a few months ago. Apparently MSU is going to let him keep his scholarship and will receive tutoring while in jail. Honestly, I'm not mad at it. Blame it on my 'Thug U' background (UrbanDictionary.com goes as far to define the Miami Hurricanes as the "Official supplier to state prisons" and "The college version of the Cincinatti Bengals", also stating "During team meetings the Miami Hurricanes come up with alibis"). But, joking aside, I believe in second chances. Especially since:
a) The kid is effing nineteen years old. If my future were to depend upon my nineteen year old self, I would not be in jail, I would be in prison! Maybe even Hell....
b) He IS going to jail, after all. I mean, even with tutors, jail is no walk in the park. It's going down on his record. He is getting repercussions.
c) I strongly believe that punishment alone is a poor solution to violence. Having a future to focus on makes it a lot harder to make reckless decisions. I'm not saying that it's gauranteed to make someone "do the right thing", but it certainly doesn't hurt.

That said, I do not believe that endless leniency is appropriate either. In short: Don't fuck it up, Winston! Don't make me look like some bleeding heart by getting on some PacMan bullshit when you get out. Keeping it real can and will go wrong.

-End Rant-

2. In High School Baseball news, the South Dade Bucs (14-10) took the season series, 2-1 over the Key West Conchs. That sucks, Cuzzy Bubbas.

3. Artie Lange's disdain for the Mets has so infected my brain that everytime I hear anything having to due with a gay pride parade, gay bar etc... Literally the first automatic thing that pops into my brain is "Oh, where is it? Shea Stadium?".

4. While we are on the subject of my feeble mind, it seems my subconscious is also easily influenced. Case in point: due the amazing wit and sharp humour of my favorite Buffalo Sabres blogs, I have been having re-accuring dreams about Derek Roy. Now, not those kind of dreams, my loves. Weird, weird dreams.

Example #1: The other night I had a dream that I was at a party and Derek Roy was talking to me, but he was a "close talker" and it was making me extremely uncomfortable. Then he told me in strict confidence that he was being sent to Fat Camp.

Example #2: After a long evening of slaving over Red Velvet Cupcakes, I fell alseep only to have a dream that I couldn't make cupcakes fast enough because Derek Roy kept heisting them! Specifically trying to smuggle them under his sweater and in his man-purse. Oh, it was terribly messy! Then at some point he kind of morphed into Smurfette from the Smurfs and then it got really confusing.

There's more but I don't want to sound like a total baser...

5. I'm excited about The Joe Flacco Show this season. Not exactly news, but worth stating.

6. Raheem Morris may not hate me after all! Actually acknowledging that we need to address out defensive situation? That's a hell of a lot closer to "staying the course" than "crushing a young girls dreams".

7. I am officially fucking horrible at Big Buck Hunter. I am great, however, at Big Doe Poacher.

8. This whole "visting with the other half of my family" weekend is like waterboarding except the government would also be accusing you of being anorexic every five minutes. Listen up, People! I AM 250 POUNDS OF CONCRETE CYANI DE!! Oh wait, that's Tim Tebow.... well, close enough.

Because I am on the verge of complete mental breakdown, I am providing with a list of things that will keep me from going all Tyler Hamilton and claim that I have an evil twin who is actually the one blood doping... Yadadamean? More presents = less cray cray!

a. Cashmere Thigh Highs fr om Kiki de Montparnasse

b. 24K Handcuffs with Key & Chain from Kiki de Montparnasse. Don't judge me.

On a somber note....

2009-04-19T04:49:00.007-04:00

(image via Best Bucs, where there is a great tribute from a few years ago)

April 1st would have been former Hurricane Sean Taylor's 26th birthday.

Sean was an amazing athlete who I first became familiar with during his high school football days at Gulliver Prep.

He was "Big East Conference Defensive Player of the Year" in 2003, his final year at the University of Miami and a first round draft pick for the Washington Redskins.

As you may know, November 27th 2007, Sean died from gunshot wounds sustained the previous day at his home in Palmetto Bay, Florida.

It seems like only yesterday that we watched the news in silence, unable to believe that he did not make it.

He will never be forgotten.

It saddens and angers me that justice has not been served, especially considering the recent news concerning the trial, which has already been delayed enough.

Rest in Peace

Yesterday was a sad day for me personally, for a different reason.

I try to return to the Northeast every Spring, regardless of where I am. I have a ritual of visiting my brother's final resting place at a peaceful cemetery on the coast of Maine. Sometimes I bring flowers, but mostly I removed leaves that fell during the fall and got trapped by the ice and snow. I hate to think of it covered, hidden by overgrowth, forgotten.

My brother was probably the one person who was actually capable of understanding me. We share the same traits, both good and bad. We are both carbon copies of our father.

He died suddenly and unexpectedly at age 26, which is how old I am now.

His death tore through my family in a way that can never be mended. It changed all our lives forever, as one would expect. It changed who we are/were inside.

Every year I miss him more, because every year there are endless new things that I urgently need to tell him. Adventures I need to share, ideas I need critiqued, antics to report that only he would appreciate. The list grows and grows, endlessly.

This is an excerpt from an Editorial in the paper after his death:

".....also died last week, at age 26. While he lived he was a young man of great charm and winning bluster, unsure and cocky at once, as the young so often are......[his] problems with substances both liquid and powdered were well-known among his large circle of friends. He tried to kick them, but apparently, couldn't. Had [he] lived to be an old man, he would have been a genuine original. That he didn't is and will be a loss those who knew him.... It is easy to say goodbye to someone whose life was long and full, whose time, by normal biological clocks, had come. It is too difficult to do so for one who dies so young. ......May his life be remembered with all fondness. May his death be a lesson."

That last line has been permanently etched into my heart and my mind.
I carry that original editorial with me always, tucked into the pocket of a Moleskine notebook, but I have never shared it before.

football season is looming....

2009-04-19T00:54:00.017-04:00

...and this "blog" needs a complete overhaul! Not just a shot of Botox and a new haircut, I'm talking a makeover of "The Swan" proportions. And by that I mean filled with cruelty and narcissism. Much like my soul.

I promise I will start using spellcheck. Ok, sometimes I will use spellcheck.

Some things to keep in mind:

1. Sun, Oct. 25 the Bucs will take on the Patriots in London. No, I will not be sporting my Joey Galloway jersey. I would also recommend avoiding whichever bar I am watching this game in. Trust me, you will not like the equation. Ashley + New England Fans + Bourbon + Sporting Event = Prison Time, I'm sure. Noticed I didn't say jail time.

2. Lately I have had a strong urge to photoshop pictures of Gruden and I so it looks like we are hanging out. And then I want to Blingee them.

3. Sabres are out, obv. Need I say more?

4. The Frozen Four was effin' epic this year.

5. I'm on the hunt for some Lawn Darts to add to my "Summer Shenanigans" kit. So far I have a slip-n-slide, a croquet set (for tackle croquet, of course), hot pink spray paint....

6. On a happy note, Pirates are in the race for the Calder Cup.

7. The other night some dude interrupted one of my tangents to ask if I was Jon Gruden's publicist.

8. Portland is getting a NBA D-League team. This pleases me greatly.

9. I'm getting kind of obsessed with Scott Ferrall. He calls everything! It gives me the vapors. But I can't find a Team Ferrall shirt small enough for me. Boo.

10. I hate the announcers on Versus.

11. Now that Madden has retired, the Crime Mob song "All Madden" has an entirely different meaning for me.

12. I don't know how to rotate photos.

13. I'm having a Derby Days party. You're all invited.

14. I had to remove some of the old content because I'm locked out of my Flickr Pro account. I forgot my password. Yeah, I'm that dumb. I will rework it and put it back up later.

15. The Dolphins have such a bullshit schedule this year....then again the Bucs don't really have it that great either.

16. I'm really excited to get out on the golf course. Hell, even mini-golf! I'm bout it bout it! If anyone needs a caddy, hit me up!

um, and speaking of caddies...

17. U 2008 Highlight Reel!

18. From the 7th Floor Blog, Clinton Portis was voted "Favorite Redskin" by Special Olympians

19. Also seen @ 7th Floor Blog (obviously a favorite) this amazing photo of Plaxico Burress at his court appearance. Maybe he's just stoked about the Spartan's making it to the final game?

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL, what ARE the Bucs doing!?

2009-02-27T14:27:00.004-05:00

That's all I have to say.

Schoolgirlish Nonsense

2009-02-26T21:18:00.005-05:00

An idea for my NFL network show with Jon Gruden :

"Free Agent Frenzy Pillow Fight Party"

Or maybe Monte Kiffin's Dance Party?

Any takers?

I'm working on the pilot.

I'm so jealous that one of my Twitter friends got to have some kind of importantspecialamazing meeting with Gruden.

Let's talk pitches, bitches!

Raheem the Nightmare

2009-02-25T18:58:00.003-05:00

Honestly?

Releasing my favorite players on my birthday? Unbelievable! You CANNOT be serious! Gruden would have at least had the courtesy to wait until after my birthday week.

Warrick, Cato, Galloway, Brooks?...

Rendering my jerseys throwbacks just like that, huh?

Daddy needs a drink...

Party & Bullshit

2009-02-25T18:05:00.003-05:00

It's Ash Wednesday y'all!

aka my birthday!

Buy me things from Kiki de Monteparnasse!

Or just ship me food from here, here or here.

Gruden is my homeboy

2009-02-24T17:36:00.004-05:00

Quick thought from the BBerry -

Jon Gruden on the NFL network = fucking hilarious. He reminds me so much of myself - the insane levels of enthusiasm, the excitement, the "I'm the only one in the room" people skills, the impracticality and lack of impulse control...

They should give him his own show.

Actually, eff that! They should give us an epic show together. That's right, the spastic twins will be taking over the NFL network!

You know you would TIVO that shit.....and buy the box set collectors edition with extra footage for a bargain at $49.99.....

Gangsta-ass News Links

2009-02-22T17:56:00.007-05:00

-The Bucs have signed WR Kelly Campbell and he's definitely got a little gangsta in him! He even kept it hood on the 'Fins. I'm excited to see how this works out. I'm very accepting of professional athletes and their bad behavior -- as long as it doesn't reach PacMan status. Tampa isn't exactly an ideal place to stay out of trouble, but I think the fact that 'making it rain' has become more played out than ghostriding your mom's whip in the suburbs will be working in everyone's favor. I'm cool with him being a former Viking too - I'm no stranger to the Metrodome as a former Minneapolis resident (North Russell Ave, what?).

- I lied. Ghostriding is still fresh to death, as evidenced here. As long as you smash up, you're not a herb.

- This is the best thing EVER! I think I just wasted an hour grunt-laughing like Beavis.

- Luke arrested for child support non-payment. Has he not paid enough? College football = a lot of mouths to feed. I read about it over at The 7th Floor - they accompany the story with the BEST 2 LIVE CREW pic EVER! Epic.

"Bitch, Please" moment of the day

2009-02-22T17:29:00.007-05:00

Ruckus (see photo above) are I are currently mean muggin after reading this. I thought we were done with his veijo ass! Although, I will give Garcia this: wife game = proper.

I am, however, very excited about the rumors that we might be seeing more of Carnell 'Cadillac' Williams this year. I don't rock the 24 jersey for nothing!

It's almost everyone's favorite eternal schoolgirl's birthday (Ash Wednesday for the record). I'm dipping into my VIP only wine stash for the occasion....

I still haven't decided what I'm doing for the big day. Probably popping bottles and shenanigans. The only thing I have locked down is going to the Hockey games on Saturday and Sunday.

Retirement

2009-02-21T03:43:00.001-05:00

It's a sad day. A full year in Maine and the Bucs plate is being forced into retirement.

Let's have a moment of silence.

You served the Range Rover faithfully all these years.

Memory Card Fridays - Pirates Edition

2009-02-20T18:38:00.032-05:00

A few not-so-great flicks from the Portland Pirates/Worcester Sharks game on February 13th.

The rest of this post will be back up once I re-work my Flickr account. I'm feeling to lazy to resize right now.

Say What?

2009-02-18T22:09:00.003-05:00

Did the Heat really just get beat by the T-Wolves? Really?

I was in class and missed it. Unbelievable.

Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device from U.S. Cellular

Let's Talk Feelings

2009-02-18T14:05:00.003-05:00

Are you all feeling Jim Bates as the Bucs new defensive coordinator?

I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I have unconditional love for Monte Kiffin. I cried a little upon hearing that he was leaving. I know, I'm a sissy, but it was a hard year for Tampa Fans.

Also, for some reason I keep typing Jim Baker instead of Jim Bates. Now that would be interesting.

On the other hand, I think that Bates might be really good for using Philip Buchanon (the U) to his full potential. I also like Bates' history - especially in terms of sacking. I love a good sack.

I think this could be pretty amazing. What's your take?

Tchau Tchau!

For the person who has everything....

2009-02-17T09:15:00.004-05:00

If you are stumped on what to get me for my birthday, look no further.

Watch the video below. Take note of Snoop's throwback Springfield Indians Hockey Jersey @ about 2:30 into the video. That's what I want.

and to go with it...the Goyard Saint Louis bag in the bright blue....

I think more people would be clockin the Jersey than the bag....Good luck finding it in my size....

This post is sort of a Hockey cop out....

2009-02-16T21:25:00.010-05:00

Lucky you! You get to look at a bunch of blurry photos I took from my Blackberry from the nosebleed section of the Portland Pirates vs. the Bridgeport Sound Tigers! Normally I would subject y'all to this but I forgot my camera that weekend and I left all my memory cards with the recent/clear/sharp/exciting photos at my apartment.

However, I am going to post them since I feel, that I have thus far overburdened you with football. Also, I am fairly "new" to Hockey and really exciting about having something fun to do during this thrilling Maine winter. Sure, I was in the North right before I came to New England (Michigan and Minnesota, respectively). I was also still mourning from my Buccaneers losing to Eli "Fetal Position" Manning in the Wild Card game. That's some serious trauma for a girl to go through..

Photos back soon!! sorry

p.s. on a separate note, I am loving Lil Wayne's ESPN Blog.
Weezy is dead on! He took the words right out of my mouth with "I'd watch hockey over an awards show."

Brandon Meriweather, I Salute you!

2009-02-16T20:37:00.008-05:00

By now everyone in New England knows that I am far from a Patriots fan....but there is one is one Pat that has all my respect and admiration....

Brandon Merriweather!

Now, in my mind he's not really a Pat since he is first and foremost from The U! He will always be a Cane in my eyes. He is such a G!! He's my college football hero! I wouldn't be all nice like Tebow.... I would be stomping bitches! I'm not just saying that because I know he could merc me and my hulk gloves ..... I'm also not being even slightly sarcastic. If I were a wearing the orange and green I would want to BE him! Compared to him I feel like such a herb!

Case in point, and all y'all Patriots can vibe on this too... Keep your eye on #19 and watch that footwork.....

Say something! What?

I have two confessions to make.....

2009-02-16T19:55:00.013-05:00

Confession #1 - I am obsessed with the FOX/NFL Robot. I can be seen busting his dance moves in any venue from early Fall to Superbowl Sunday. Any venue. From the grocery line to rush hour traffic, I represent.

Confession #2 .....

I admit it....I already miss Chucky.....
See how sad? Pobrecita!

ok, and one more thing....Jeff Garcia....dale loca y abra la voca... Good Riddance Garthia!! Tchau Tchau!! This "Hulk Smaaaash" is for you!

Dancing with the Whores

2009-02-16T15:55:00.012-05:00

I'd like to start this off by saying that my birthday is rapidly approaching and besides goodies from Kiki de Montparnasse (I'll touch on that later), I am really hoping to unwrap the masterpiece that is Blitz the League 2. Let me snap some bones and bust some heads on my birthday! It's my party and I will break whichever bone that I want to...

Ok, so my greed aside, I have to discuss a topic that I never thought would be relevant to my life : Dancing with the Stars. Real talk, I have never even seen an episode of this show or any other celebrity talent show atrocity. But now LT is throwing sodium chloride all over my game by making me consider planting myself on the couch and, as Bill Hicks would say, spraying paint directly over my third eye. That said, there is no denying that if his dancing is at all similar to his performance on the field, it will redefine "must see TV". How amazing would it be to see Belinda Carlisle get a late hit? Or to see that pretentious snaggle-tooth Jewel taken out due to a compound fracture? I'm delirious with the possiblities just typing about it. Come on, LT. Grant a little girl's birthday wish and stomp some d-list celebrities.

Fun fact - The title of this post isn't necesessarily referencing my opinion on reality stars or LT's infamous and innovative technique for wearing out the opposing team. Now, I'm not trying to blow up anyones spot...but I'm a Florida girl and I've seen Mr. Taylor heading upstairs at a certain Miami Gardens establishment.... dale!

It only makes my heart grow fonder.